I've started to hate myself. I'm not happy with who I am anymore and I want to be. I feel really down in the dumps and it's depressing. I don't know a lot of people but sometimes I wish I had that one person I can call on.
I look in the mirror and say "Urgh, my tummy!" or "Yuck! My thighs!" I was once so confident but I feel I'm confident when I'm in my own company but I feel intimidated when I'm around others.
I want to get over this. I think going back to church is the answer but I keep doubting myself. I think it's the right choice. Looks like I'm going church on Sunday. Hopefully, I'll discover the reasons as to why I'm so down.
I've been having strange dreams since I went to a family member's engagement party and it's all to do with my move to Paris. As much as I'm excited about my move to the "Big City", I have a feeling something bad might happen when I get there. As some of you may know, I don't know my Dad's side of the family very well but most of them live in Paris. I don't know whether to get close to them or not simply of these dreams I've been having.
It's gotten to a point where I'm constantly tired and I sleep for longer than usual. It's quite strange. I always make sure I say a prayer before I close my eyes so I know God's with me. I feel like I shouldn't get close to my Dad's family too much. Maybe that could be the solution.
I'm moving to Paris to start a new chapter, and God knows I need it. I just hope that I'm not going to have a fresh start with family dramas following me because I refuse to be a part of it. It's really stressing me out and slightly worrying me. My Mum is having doubts about me moving at all but I know in my heart it's where I'm supposed to be. I know I can do this and I will.
Things are going great for me right now. I've started saving up for my new life in Paris.
I've met some amazing people on Skyblog and my French is definitely improving. I have my first paid work placement specialising in Fashion Public Relations starting in March which is very exciting. I can't wait to start.
I'm considering getting a tattoo which signifies my new beginning in Paris, I'm also about to become a Godmother and I'm just so happy right now. I definitely want it written in Japanese seeing as I'm part Japanese myself. What do you think? Should I get a tattoo?
Great news everyone, I'm a Blog Star! I joined Skyblog on 1st January and I'm a blog star already. Thank you all so much for your visits and comments, it's appreciated. :)
Since my last blog, I've definitely become more confident and excited about my move to Paris. I've met some amazing people through Skyblog and I've had the opportunity to practise and learn French.
I'm looking forward to buying things that I need for my trip. It's all very exciting!
I feel like time is going to fly by once January is over. I've still got another Fashion Public Relations placement starting in March and that'll be for 8 weeks then come June, I'll be on a Eurostar train.
The next few months in London are going to be incredible but the day I arrive in Paris will be life-changing.
Thank you for all your kind messages, Skyblog. Bisou. :)
It's less than six months until I leave for my new chapter in Paris and I've been working so many extra hours to save up for my trip. I've done the spending plan. I've even set a date for my one-way ticket but I'm so nervous. I'm really praying that this isn't a mistake.
I've dreamed of living in Paris and experiencing a different city, different life, different culture, amazing fashion and it's finally in motion. I just hope that this will be the one of the best decisions that I've ever made in my life, and for my future career in fashion public relations, and not the worst decision I could of invested in.
We shall have to wait and see what happens in the next six months.