It's been such an eventful three weeks since my last blog. Some good, some upsetting but it's made me happy and given me a different outlook on life.
The goddaughter I never had the honour of meeting passed away which was a shock but in my heart, I think she's in a good place. I definitely want to change my tattoo so she's never forgotten.
Then I did a couple of modelling shows as recently as 2 days ago. I had an absolute blast!! It's something I'll definitely do again.
I'm also kinda dating someone but not dating someone. He's an amazing man with such a big heart and he's been spoiling me for the past month. He gets me all giggly when I'm around him. He really is making my final weeks in London special. I'll never forget it.
I've been doing loads of planning and shopping and socialising and it made me wonder "Why wasn't I like this before?" I like this new me but I definitely need God in my life more. I feel like there's a part of me missing. Hopefully I'll find him again soln.
I'm getting more and more excited about arriving, I seriously am getting obsessed!
I downloaded Google Earth just so I can have a look at the station I'm getting off at or to look at the area I'm going to be living in. It keeps changing but I know I won't be living in Villenueve-Saint-Georges anymore which is a shame but my Mum is deciding between Creteil and Creil. Crazy right? Both places seem cool though accept Creil isn't actually in Paris.
I've started planning my Leaving Party and my Leaving Dinner for friends. I still need to plan a Leaving Dinner for my family. I'm sooo excited!
Check out my countdowns: ^10 weeks till my final days at my jobs ^11 weeks till my leaving party and dinner with my friends ^12 weeks till my family leaving dinner AND until I arrive in Paris!
I still feel alone and uncared for by others. I don't know why but I'm starting to feel that maybe it's my own fault. I'm very good at isolating myself and I've never been good at staying in contact with people.
I get sad when my phone doesn't ring or if I don't get a text from someone that genuinely wants to know how I am and someone that wants to meet me and hang out. I don't get that, I'd be blessed if I did. Maybe it's because I'm lazy or maybe I just don't know how to trust people. I'm very guarded but hopefully, in time, those barriers will break down.
I know that it's something that I have to change and fast. I'm moving to another country, how can I socialise and meet people if I'm not confident in socialising.
Paris is supposed to be a fresh start and I want to arrive in Paris with a "new me". Not completely new but more confident in myself and others. :)